Maybe it was time? maybe its was fate, likely its just a little dumb luck..
All of us have changed so much in three years. in about a month it will have been three years since I found friends who mattered to me. Joe, Becca, Toni, and Michelle. In only that time Toni has been married, with child and divorced, Becca has been to and from a mission, Michelle has changed completely, and Joe has changed teams. I on the other hand have done nothing new, haven't been to school yet, I've had 7 jobs in the past three years, gained 38 pounds, Also ... I'm a boomerang kid... (I live at home now for those of you who did not know) . I'm not whining I don't want your sympathy, but I am writing this in hope that by the time I'm through I will have sorted out a few things. It.. therapy you could say, My own little psychiatric evaluation of myself. and since I'm sure no one reads this anymore I'm safe to say what ever I feel like saying with out fear of repercussions. I'm not really happy with the man that I have become, and I am not important to anyone... why is that? is it my detachment from life in general that has caused me to be alienated from everyone I one thought I knew. or is it self loathing and a serious inefficient from of self destruction? the only thing I really think about lately is what I could be. and how I could have been had my situation been different. its certainly a destructive pattern in my failed attempts to figure myself out I have become vauge and void of feeling. and now I'm more alone than ever. something must be done to change the path that I am on. obviously nothing I have done before has worked so I will try somthing new. ..... so the solution is do do exactly the opposet of what I would normally do.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Where are they now??
A Literary oddity by Tony "danger" Morrey as of 1/12/2008 06:35:00 PM
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3 comments:
Did you know that when I read your blog, then go to comment(black screen to white screen) I temporarily go blind? It's quite the experience. Now to the comment-
You have done lots of new things. New jobs, new people at those jobs, new living spaces. If it's anything like Me at home, you reconnect with family who you never realized were so important to you before. Oh, and so wrong about no one reading anymore. I check this along with all the other blogs I read. Even if you do only post every month or so :) None of us feel like the person we hoped we'd all be at 22. Every day I think about what I could be. Do one small thing to make it happen. Being your best self doesn't happen overnight. I htink we all go through moments of self-loathe/depression/anit-social. heck look at me!!! prime example. Set goals so you have something to work for. And seriously, we need to talk more. It's been, months? wow, this turned out to be a long comment!! I guess I'll go update my personal therapy blog as well. That's exactly what I feel like my blog is. laters.
Well obviously its you who don't read my blog. Ben and I never actually got divorced. In fact, we are now working on healing and getting back together. I moved in this last weekend. Oy.
For once Tony, I am not going to pat you on the back and say don't be so hard on yourself.
Maybe you do need to be hard on yourself. We're all approaching 23. Its time, for our lives to start. I for one, have decided to take control of and responsibility for my own destiny.
Maybe its time to JUST DO IT. No more talking about it, no more blogging about it. Decide what it is that you WANT and DO IT.
Tony I love you, you have the potential to be a great man. I hope you do.
I'm not going to say what I usually say to you about stuff like this. However, to tell you the truth, I don't think any of us are the 22 year old that we thought we were going to be. I know that I'm not the girl I always wanted to be (remind me one day and I'll share) but I have found a way to make the girl that I have become reflect me. I have changed in three years. Is some ways it was a good change, in others not so much. I am essentially the same girl I was in high school - lost and more that a little confused. But, I have changed the way I look, the way I see world and the way I do things. I still think the same as I used to, I still react the same as I used to, and my fuse is just as short as it always has been. I've just learned compassion and empathy and how to take others into consideration. You know what though...I don't see where I've changed. I know i have, but I can't see it as well as you do. I know this isn't in an order but hopefully you get what I'm getting at. If you're not happy with the man you are, become the man you want to be. It's not easy, I know. It's not fun looking into yourself and realizing that you don't like yourself. It's hard and it's hard to allow yourself not to self-pity. I KNOW you are an amazing guy. You are capable of doing so much. You can't be that person you want to be until you believe in yourself and your capabilities. If you can believe in yourself and love yourself, nothing else will matter. Gaining weight isn't the issue, you can start school at any age, obviously you haven't liked your jobs, and you have done something new, You took a chance on us being friends and provided yourself with a whole network of support. Rather than think of what could be, think about what you need to do to do it. I know you can do whatever you put your mind to. You're a smart guy. I agree that something new is good for you. I just hope that you don't change for somebody else, but that you change for you.
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