Wedding Prep 1010

I have decided to make a few posts that will prepare any un-married of my friends that still read my blog for what lies ahead of them..
Here's a brief insight as to what the initial phases of your wedding planning is going to be like - you're going to be looking at a lot of stuff like the two swatches below and you wil be asked which one you like better:


If you can use actual words to describe the difference between these two colors, then you're either a woman or you're the kind of guy that can only legally get married in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Any attempt to differentiate between red, bright red, blood red, scarlet, crimson, vermillion, cherry, burgundy, cardinal, black magic, garnet, fire engine, cerise, rust, blush, rouge, wine, brick, maroon, cranberry and carmine will only result in complete and total failure and is essentially an exercise in making you want to kill yourself in a violent and horrible way with some sort of gardening implement. My advice to you is to save yourself the trouble. The "correct" answer when presented with an aesthetic color choice like the example I've provided is just to say, "I don't know honey, which one do YOU like better?" (Note: This is the correct answer for most wedding-related questions). This will make your bride feel like you trust her decision implicitly and have faith in her abilities, which will boost her confidence and hopefully empower her to make this seemingly-inconsequential decision unilaterally. In the more-often-than-not case that she sees through your crap and calls you on it, simply admit that you cannot tell the two colors apart and hang your head in shame while she expresses her incredulity at your imperceptiveness, accuses you of not giving a crap about your wedding, and then spends six minutes explaining the exact definition of the term "redder". She will potentially then ask you yet again which shade you like better. In situations like this, I generally choose the farthest one to the left, whatever that may be.